|Cherry tree planted by the school opposite, in memory of Matthew. Now in bloom .|
How is it today on a day when we celebrate the Resurrection and my heart should rejoice in the wonder of it, that today I feel bereft?
Part of that reason is on Easter Sunday you would send a text to my phone saying,
"Christ is Risen!" and I would reply
"He is Risen indeed!"
I miss you to a depth so profound, and a horizon so far away, that holding my grandson yesterday, and loving his wonderful smile and his baby chatter, I so wished that you could see him. You were my firstborn son.
It is such a paradox, that I can actually say genuinely, that I know I will see you again, but I wish, oh, how I long and yearn for it to be now.
My tears fall.
The sounds of the morning reaching my ears from the garden outside.
A garden reawakening from winter sleep.
A garden full of birdsong and new growth.
A garden I love.
A garden where your tree is in blossom,
Beautiful white star flowers.
This month of your approaching birthday.
And all it's beauty and new life
A reminder of the cruelty of a life cut down.
April, as the saying goes
And which for me, now has a deeper understanding,
Is the cruellest month.
But in that other garden
There was a voice that simply said
And through her tears
She turned and saw You
Standing there in the early dawn light
And she knew
What I know now,
You are alive!
So, once again, I ask You to take care of my son, until we all see him once more, in that place where death has no dominion, and our sorrow will be ended.
And I will Rejoice in it!
Death is not the end
Death is defeated.
So I can hear you say to me, Matt,
Christ is Risen!
And I reply
He is Risen indeed!!