Easter Sunday April 8th 2012

Cherry tree planted by the school opposite, in memory of Matthew. Now in bloom .

How is it today on a day when we celebrate the Resurrection and my heart should rejoice in the wonder of it, that today I feel bereft? 

Part of that reason is on Easter Sunday you would send a text to my phone saying, 

"Christ is Risen!" and I would reply

"He is Risen indeed!"

I miss you to a depth so profound, and a horizon so far away, that holding my grandson yesterday, and loving his wonderful smile and his baby chatter, I so wished that you could see him. You were my firstborn son. 

It is such a paradox, that I can actually say genuinely, that I know I will see you again, but I wish, oh, how I long and yearn for it to be now.  

My tears fall. 

The sounds of the morning reaching my ears from the garden outside.

A garden reawakening from winter sleep.

A garden full of birdsong and new growth.

A garden I love.

A garden where your tree is in blossom, 

Beautiful  white star flowers. 

This month of your approaching birthday.

And all it's beauty and new life 

A reminder of the cruelty of a life cut down.

April, as the saying goes 

And which for me, now has a deeper understanding,

Is the cruellest month.    

  But in that other garden

There was a voice that simply said 

"Mary"

And through her tears 

She turned and saw You 

Standing there in the early dawn light

And she knew

What I know now,

You are alive!

So, once again, I ask You to take care of my son, until we all see him once more, in that place where death has no dominion, and our sorrow will be ended.       

Until that day, Matt, until that day, I go on walking this journey, meeting new things along the way, other people whose lives will cross my path, I take hold of this day here and now,
And I will Rejoice in it!
Death is not the end
Death is defeated.
Jesus lives!
So I can hear you say to me, Matt,
Christ is Risen!
And I reply
He is Risen indeed!!