Today would have been your 40th birthday. Saturday 23rd April 2016.

Dear Matt,

Here we are once again,( as I write this at least,) approaching another anniversary without you........ 

This year you would have celebrated, (or not!) your 40th birthday. 

It has been almost a year since I last posted in this blog. 

And I re-read the article this afternoon. 

A lot of things are still the same as they were then.

I am sitting in the summerhouse once again, with the doors wide open, looking at a piercingly blue sky....

The spring birdsongs are in full flow all around me, somehow magnified in the clear air. 

      Twitterings, cheeps, liquid trills, and glorious soaring notes. 

     

Matthew Milford Sellers. (Matt) 4 weeks old.
Cowplain. Hampshire.
1976 

A bumble bee flew in awhile back, then searching in vain for an exit, buzzed against the windows, I took pity on him and opened one to let him escape.
There is a small dancing cloud of insects hovering above the grass. This has been the first day of any significant warmth and sunshine. What a difference it makes!
 It is late afternoon, around 5.00pm, with a coolness creeping in with the breeze.
         Last night there was a heavy frost.
                          And I am thinking of you, my lovely son.

First Birthday.
Cowplain. Hampshire.
1976    

There are many things that have changed in the years that you have been gone.....
A lot of them I have written about in this blog.
Only now, I have decided that it is time to leave it here.........
I read it now and again and see once more my journey through grief and loss.
    I cannot write anymore now that I have not already said............

There are no more photos,
No more conversations,
No more hugs,
No more new memories of you being made..........
No more your presence,
No more your laughter,
No more your warmth,
Your reality..............
No more "I love you mum"

Helm Crag. Grasmere. July 2006 

A Matt "Selfie" !! 

   A 40th birthday is one of those significant milestones.
  Your 30th birthday was a milestone,  except you only  lived for another 4 months afterwards.

So, my precious son, we go on, as we all have done, knowing we will see you again,
And for the last time here, I leave it with that shout of triumph ringing in my ears,

"He is not here
He is Risen!"

You are home, Matt, home with the Jesus you loved and served.
 

John 11:25-26The Message (MSG)

25-26 “You don’t have to wait for the End. I am, right now, Resurrection and Life. The one who believes in me, even though he or she dies, will live. And everyone who lives believing in me does not ultimately die at all. Do you believe this?”