Leaving a legacy.

I have recently watched again Matt's Thanksgiving service on dvd.

It took place on 22nd September 2006, 5 days after my dad's 88th birthday and 7 days before Alan's 22nd birthday.

It was a very moving experience, and as it was only the second time I had watched it in 4 years hardly surprising.

I also found it comforting to see how full the church was and the many people young and old, who had made a special journey to be there.

There were around 450+

The many conversations afterwards, and in later months and years, stories filtered down about people who had reassessed their lives and made changes.

A life cut off at 30 made them think of what they considered to be vital to their own................

But the thing which grabbed me most of all was what Matt had considered important in his life.

His faith, and his care of others, came to the fore, not to mention the sense of humour which would have him rolling round the floor laughing at times!!

All this made me smile.

And remember.

So if you read this I hope it makes you think...........

Matt left a legacy...................long may it bear fruit.

Legacy by Nicole Nordemann

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me

And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy

Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...

Listening to the clock............August 2010

When I have had my breakfast, I like to sit in our back room, looking out at the garden, and then I open my Bible.

Quiet moments.........................

Special moments......................

I am privileged to have the time to spend reading and then in prayer.

These moments have become even more special during the past 4 years, (next month) since Matt's death.

A marshalling of thoughts, and a renewal of strength.

And do I need it still at times, to go on.

All this is now taking place alongside the ticking of dad's clock. A nice symmetry in that. He bought it not long after the death of my mum at the age of 70, in August 1990. He said it was like a friend, and helped him to cope with the silence of the evenings.

And now it is a reminder of them both.

So this morning before I sat down I wandered up the garden, and sniffed the air. There was a nip in it, and a sense of approaching autumn.

I used to love the onset of autumn, the richness of the colours, and the sharpness of the light. Some apples lay on the ground, fallen from our ancient tree. It has produced a good crop this year. They are surprisingly sweet.

I know every inch of that garden, and love grubbing about in the earth and pruning bushes and trimming the rampant hedges!!

But the nip in the air and the indefinable subtle shift in the colours of the shrubs and leaves made my heart lurch....................................................

September approaches.

And what do people say at times, after 4 years have almost passed, on 10th September, 2010

" Time heals"

" It gets better as time goes on"

"The sense of loss decreases"

" You are 'moving on' "

" Life goes on"

Well, I can categorically say

" No, time does not heal, and never will. The wound is still there, not as raw, but each morning and evening it makes it's presence felt"

" In lots of ways it does indeed get better, but it will never ever be the same without my son"

"Yes, I am moving on, that is how it should be, and I have no choice, the alternative would be not to live anymore, and that is an easy option"

" Life goes on............................all around, the ups and downs, the good times, better times, difficult times, joyful ones, downright bad ones, life will always go on........................we have to choose to face it head on"

For that I have my special moments each day, wherever possible, and a Saviour who suffered for me brings me comfort.

Autumn beckons

Edges of leaves beginning to appear in subtler moods of russet reds

Landscapes of rolling corn, yellow against an inky dark storm-approaching sky, lit by a decreasing sun-strength.

Birds are quiet

Fledglings flown

Fruit trees weighed down

And the waves break over the rocks where you are hidden.....................

The seagulls wheel overhead

Autumn beckons...............................

My heart lurches with the memory

So it will be because when we love deeply,

We inwardly mourn deeply, hidden from the world,

In a private place,

Our own thoughts

Of a baby nestled close

First laugh

First step

First word

First birthday

First friend

First school

First "I love you mum"

First heartbreak

First prayer

First home

First car

..................................................

30th birthday.

Last day.

10th September 2006

So, my heart tells me what I already know,

September beckons.