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| A father touches the name of his son at the 9/11 memorial in New York. On the tenth anniversary in 2011. |
September approaches. I used to love September.
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| A mother and two sons. |
The fresh feel to the mornings and the changing colours of the trees.
The sunshine still warm but mellow.
It didn't carry with it the mark of impending tragedy.
Now, after an unexpectedly beautiful summer, which is still greeting me most days, as I step outside and take my usual meander up the garden path, enjoying the satisfaction of the roses which I tended, now in full bloom, and tumbling nasturtiums, glowing calendulas and sunflowers, planted in early May, when April had been so cold Easter Day dawning in freezing temperatures, the lowest for 100 years!
And yet.........after all that horrendous winter, the plants began to grow again and blossom.
The late Spring was so beautiful, it was worth the awfulness of the preceding season.
But Matt, once again we approach the 10th of September.
Last weekend we had your brother and family staying here.
Sammy is two in October and a joy to me and your father.
Libby, at 7 months, now beginning to use her voice in baby chatter.
Sammy was looking at the photos on the set of drawers,
He was studying them carefully.Pointing to various people, naming his mum and dad, then the ones of himself and Libby...
He arrived at yours picture, "Who's that?" he said.
"That's Matthew" I said.
He didn't make a comment, accepting my answer. But he wanted to know who you were, and that is enough for now.He knows your name and his dad is going to tell him all about you when he is old enough to listen to your story.
Meanwhile we are negotiating the last few days of August, and then that fateful reminder on 10th September, of your last day here with us on earth.
Each year I think maybe this time it will be different, but now I've learned to accept it will never alter. That date is forever seared into our memories with burning hot relentlessness.
I only have to look at the photo of the grieving father in New York, ten years on from his life being changed forever, to know that the Anniversary of our 10th September, for us, will never cease to be anything other than awful.
I read a blog written by Craig Mackay and would recommend it as an honest and truthful account of his life since the death of his first wife.
I read a blog written by Craig Mackay and would recommend it as an honest and truthful account of his life since the death of his first wife.
Here is the link.
So, Matt, once again we are going to France and on the 10th September we will find some beautiful quiet place to mark your life. As you are indelibly, deeply, eternally, imprinted on ours.
Love mumxx
